Disappointment

"That which does not kill us makes us stronger" is what they say. Well, they leave out the part that in order to get "stronger" you have to tear some friggin' muscle tissue. I think the same goes for our souls. We have to tear a bit, get banged up a bit, lose a bit, get humiliated a bit, in order to become who we really are. Personally, I hate that. But I know it's true. I also know it's true that the real test of a person's character is what they choose to do when their down. Anyone can make a really awesomely selfless decision when they've got money in the bank, or a nice house or a great boyfriend, or just got an AMAZING review on their new play... But when you've just lost your job, or when your account is overdrawn, or your boyfriend's just left you, or just being a jerk, or your kitty has just passed away, or someone you respect has just told you your performance was "okay" in that play... Well, will we still drop a dollar in the homeless guy's cup? Will we still call our mother and wish her Happy Thanksgiving? Will we get up early to meet that girl who almost overdosed again for coffee? Will we put out our hand to a stranger? Will we treat ourselves to a massage or a nice hot bath? Will we remember we're really not driving this car, that we're along for the ride, and it's up to us whether or not we want to enjoy it. Whether we can see these setbacks or hurts or disappointments as tools for our growth, or just as the crap the universe is throwing at us because everything just sucks and is too hard and why is that other girl so skinny and beautiful?????? It's a choice. And while I know which one I should choose. Some days I just can't. Some days I'm just sad or mad or blue or grouchy or prickly or so afraid I feel like I have no skin. But I think that's okay too. I've only got this human heart. And my experience tells me that that's all I'm supposed to have. A human heart. It's good enough. So then that must mean, that I am enough. We all are. I hope.