Writing

So they say the greatest form of procrastination is a new idea... And wow, so true. Because when I sit down to work on this project, that project comes to mind. When I sit down to work on that project, this project comes to mind. I used to think it was because I was because I was undisciplined, and that may still be true, but I think what's really going on is I don't like to not be in charge. When one sits down to write, one is, in fact, surrendering to the creative gods. You have to sit there and "let the writing come", which means, in effect, that you have to get out of the friggin' way. And I really don't like that. So, instead of just being where I'm at, which is waiting for the muse to do her work, I want to be somewhere else. Somewhere else that I believe to be more comfortable. Because when you're writing, when you're actually in the act, there's a great deal of "I don't know". And that is super scary. But it always works. I've never not had it work. To just keep sitting down, to just keep getting out of the way, to just keep letting the creative energy that's moving through me do it's stuff. But it is a leap of faith every time. It is an act of humility. To know that really, all I'm doing is showing up. I'm just sitting here, like I said I would and "working" on this project while something else provides the inspiration. It's funny, because I've always thought writing was hard. What's hard is letting myself write. The actual act, well, it's really not up to me. And why that isn't comforting, why that doesn't make the whole thing easier, I will never know. Or rather, I'm thinking, my ego will never know. Sigh... Progress not perfection.