Down Time

So it's hard. For people like me. Who determine their value in the world by the amount of work they do. To take a day off. But I know it's important to do this. So, I'm starting small. Just taking a few hours off here and there as a start. And you know what? It's pretty great. Of course it takes about a half hour for me to relax, to actually accept the fact that I'm really not supposed to do anything during this allotted time. But once I settle in. It's really nice. But then, this thing happens. I'm just sitting there or lying there or walking there and I think: "oh, man, this'd be great to do all the time." And then it's all over. I descend. I think "I can't believe I have to WORK, why do we have to WORK, why can't we do what we want ALL THE TIME????" It's pretty bad. And I think that's why I never want to "stop". Because once I stop, then I won't want to start again. It's that old "if I take a twenty minute nap, I'm gonna want a two hour nap, so why bother" thing. What it really amounts to is I don't know how to just be where I'm at. I'm so worried about what's going to happen, that I'm not really aware of what's happening. So, in effect, I'm missing my life. Because my life actually only "happens" in the present. It's the only place in which I breathe and observe and enjoy and love and cry and am a human being. So, I think it's worth it. To practice being present. To practice just being here. To practice being a human being instead of a human doing. Because the work I do will not show up at my funeral. The people I take the time to chat with and listen to and sit with and walk with and love on will be. So, I think they're worth a little "down time". We all are worth a little "down time".