Shelter

So, I think I'm starting to realize that if I don't feel safe, I don't do very well. When I feel afraid or insecure, I start to "get" security from the outside world. I try to use ice cream or mac-n-cheese or a DVD box set or a ton of work or another person to feel "okay". And wow does that not work. The trouble is I pretty much always feel "unsafe". I'm pretty much afraid of most things. Afraid of change. Afraid not to change. Afraid of being around people. Afraid of not being around people. You get the idea. So what to do? I'm mean it seriously gets so bad that the other day I was lying in my bed saying to myself "God, I wish I was in bed!" Which leads me to believe that it's not really a physical problem, this security issue, it's a spiritual problem. Anyway, what to do? Well, the irony is "not much". I heard a wonderful line: "Don't just do something, sit there!" And it really works. In terms of this whole "feeling safe" thing. Because if I just take a pause, take a moment, and remind myself that I'm okay, in this moment. That I'm not bleeding, that nothing is really wrong, and that, no matter what happens, I will be given what I need at any given moment to do what I need to do, if only I am willing to ask, to seek, to witness. I have to put out my hand. And only then, will someone take it. I have been, and will be, and am, right now, being taken care of. And what's great about that realization. Is that then I don't need anything from the outside world. So I can just enjoy the outside world. I can participate in it, because I don't have to "get" anything from it. I can just be in it. One day at a time.